I am in one of the oldest, traditionally women's professions in the world...and no, I am NOT speaking of prostitution, I am a nurse. I have been a nurse for past 17 years of my life. My hand is even shaking to type in this number of years. Nursing is not only my profession, it largely shapes who I am and the way I view life. There is a nurse in me, who is there 24/7, whose inner voice is always heard and whose intuition rarely fails her. Nursing sick and healthy people for so many years, on one hand, and teaching nursing students and stuff, on the other hand, has immensely influenced my way of thinking on so many subjects. There is not a boring moment, when you work with people! And when I only think that I have seen it all and done it all, there is always a patient who will surprise me, challenge me and leave his unique mark in my memory.
Today was just another "normal" day at work...that is if there is anything "normal" about what I do. (My hubby has an "iron rule" to never enter my place of work. He always waits for me outside, as he is absolutely convinced that "normal" people wouldn't do what I am doing there, at work.) There were 9 endoscopic procedures scheduled for the morning and another 9 for the afternoon. It was a very loooong day!
My first patient was a 24 years old woman, who was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago. Needless to say, she has been through hell with all the therapies involved, taking away her breast and her hair and many other signs of femininity, that are so important to women of every age, especially, young women. And there she was, again facing the fear of the uncertainty of yet another cancer in another location. She didn't say much at all, but her eyes spoke volumes. I could read the fear and the hope, the pain and the determination to win this battle and endless, endless fatigue. "What a way to start the morning.."- I thought to myself . Empathy rather then sympathy is one of the main professional attitudes that nurses should practice with their patients. It is argued that if/when a nurse becomes sympathetic to her patient, she loses her ability to maintain therapeutic relationships with her patient and that alters her professional judgement. I must admit that in 17 years of my practice, I have occasionally sinned in maintaining this distinction and was completely overwhelmed by emotions with regards to certain patients, who just "touched" my heart forever.Apparently, nurses are human too. What an unusual idea... Yet again, it had happened to me today. Being an atheist, I have suddenly noticed that I was literally praying in my heart for this procedure to be uneventful... and it WAS!!!! I felt like we have given this young woman a certificate to live, a certificate that she struggled for with all her might. Suddenly, all my little, every day worries and concerns became so meaningless and everything was seen from a completely different perspective.
Oookkk....my second patient of the day walks into the room. She is a 93 years old lady, who doesn't have any background diseases and is not on any medications. The only reason she came in today, is because her GP was a bit worried from some of her blood test results and thought it would be a good idea to do some other tests. The lady was wearing bright pink lipstick and matching color of earrings. She declined any help with getting onto the bed and was as sharp as a knife in her speech. While asked about her health habits, she replied that she occasionally smokes cigars and drinks a glass of whisky or a glass of wine every day. She was cheerfully telling us stories throughout the duration of her procedure. We have found an advanced cancer in this lady's bowel. Of course, it is never a pleasant finding, in any age, but the lady's reaction was truly reflective of her attitude to life, which I found very inspiring in a way. All she said was: "Well, a person needs to die of something..., if cigars and whiskey didn't do the job, something needs to happen..."
As the day went by, for the most part of it, I felt as if I had jumped from hot water to cold and back...The contrast and the conflicting feelings have flooded my mind. We, as people, like to think that we are in control of things, but are we really? We are being taught about the principals of healthy living, of what are the rights and the wrongs in our health related behaviors, but how much does it really matter or important? Where is the balance in life?
I guess, my own, non professional attitude, which is by no means a recommendation, would be to enjoy the little moments of every day, because we never know which one would be the last one. That includes having a drink and a cigar, but also it includes self awareness, listening to my body and doing what feels right for the body and soul.
typical morning look:)
P.S. This is NOT a professional article. Thus, all contents are purely reflective of my personal thoughts, ideas and feelings only. They are NOT standards of care or recommendations to anything.
