It seems only fair to start by explaining what brought me back here. A lot of things have happened during the last three years, some are more significant than the others. However, it takes a serious milestone to want to reflect on it in a more elaborate way. This milestone has to do with my 40th Birthday. When all the celebrations (...and I had many) had calmed down and became a beautiful memory of love, friendships, family and happiness, there were still a few more belated greeting cards and blessings that were coming my way.
One of these belated greetings arrived to my mail box in the early January of this year, from my "Family Doctors Practice". It was a lovely standard printed card, wishing me a Happy Birthday and also kindly reminding me, that I am now old enough to undergo some of the routine health check ups that are recommended to the women my age, but not yet funded by the government. My first instinct was to quickly get to the Recycling bin and let the card disappear in the pile of the recycled rubbish, making me feel, once again, how I am one step closer to saving the planet. I remember pushing away and denying the thought that the information on this card is of any value to me, because "I already know all these things! I am a nurse, after all! I am also feeling healthy, so what's the point?!"
Some "unknown" force prevented me from getting rid of my belated "Birthday Card". I brought it home and hid it away from myself, in the drawer that I rarely look in. I pretended that it doesn't exist and went about my normal life.
So what was written in that card that made me feel so uncomfortable in a very irrational way? What made me react in a very atypical to myself manner?
- Mental Health screening (in NZ a suicidal rate in over 40s' women is alarmingly high, as well as depression rates and anxiety)
- Skin mole mapping (melanoma screening)- NZ is a #1 champion in skin cancers, unfortunately.
- Cervical screening
- Breast screening
- Eye sight/Glaucoma screening
- General Blood test
WELCOME 40!
Off I went on my home visit to Israel, in March of this year. Knowing that the cost of these screening tests in Israel will be more affordable than in NZ and the medical expertise on the highest level is available, I have decided to mix "health with pleasure" and undergo my first screening test Mammography, in Israel.
The appointment was booked in advance, the money paid, the imaging is done...I am happily continuing with my holiday, awaiting the results to show up in my email at some stage, not dedicating too much thought to it. After all, what can go wrong?...
Four days later, an unexpected phone call disturbed my afternoon nap after a lunch with my mom. "Could you please return for a repeat mammography, this time under compression and from a different angle?"- the voice asked on the other side. Being a nurse for so many years, I perfectly understood that this kind of warding and requests are used when there is a suspicion and a doubt, which is never a good sign.
To make a long story a little bit shorter, within less than 24 hours, I have had a repeat mammography, an ultrasound a specialist opinion and a second specialist opinion. All concluding that no intervention is required at this stage and a repeat review is needed in six months time. It is only in Israel, that I could organize all of these priceless resources and expertise within 24 hours. Amazing what money and old connections can do!
I was determined again to delete this day and the stress involved from my memory and was so grateful that for the time being I can again hide away the disks from the imaging and the whole experience, very deep in my suitcase.
It is amazing how strong is the power of our thought and how we subconsciously choose to prioritize one thought over the other. Only ,sometimes, the thoughts are tricking us and creeping in our mind uninvited. They refuse to leave us alone, to let us sleep, or even think straight...
Fast forward to six months later...
How ever deep my suitcase was and how ever far I hid the card and the disks, and how ever fast the time has gone by, the time for a follow up review has arrived "in my face".
Equipped with positive thoughts, private health insurance, my documents and a good dose of denial , I found myself, again, stripping for another set of mammography and ultrasound. This time in my second home, New Zealand.Only this time around the conclusion was that there is a minor change comparing to the six months ago imaging and a core breast biopsy is required.
I was lucky to be seated when having this conversation, the palms of my hands, as the rest of me covered with a cold sweat, my mind running some very unpleasant scenarios. Sometimes, having too much knowledge is not necessarily helpful and only adds levels to what is already a stressful situation. The Radiologist doctor was very professional and empathetic. Only I couldn't carefully listen to her, my thoughts were running far past and beyond her words. This is because the details of the biopsy process itself didn't interest me at all. I wasn't afraid of the pain or the discomfort of the procedure. I had a full trust that they will do a good job with this, but THE RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!
After the plan for the biopsy was made, I was briefly introduced to the Onco-plastic breast surgeon, who would look after me when the results are ready. He was a lovely man, who in his polite Kiwi- surgical way tried to reassure me by saying: "Don't you worry! Even if it is a cancer, it is only a small one. I can cut it out for you"...Paradoxically, I was hanging on to these words for the next 24 hours. Even though, I would never say anything like this to my patients as a first line reassurance.
I have chosen to attend my biopsy procedure by myself. I didn't want to stress anyone else, including my husband. I was really determined to keep "business as usual" attitude at home and at work. Quite frankly, I didn't feel that I could cope with anyone else by my side. I just wanted to be alone and get it done with. It was an uncomfortable procedure under local anaesthesia. The post procedural pain was minimal and it allowed me to go home independently.
The next 24 hours, awaiting my appointment with the surgeon, for the biopsy results, were the longest 24 hours of my life. Again, alone by choice, I was 15 minutes early, sitting on the edge of the sofa in the lobby of a surgical clinic. I remember the receptionist asked me to fill out a form, but my fingers were not able to hold the pen she has given me. My fingers were numb, my thoughts were in a million places at once. I thought that I was prepared to any outcome, still hanging on to the surgeon's sentence: Don't you worry! Even if it is a cancer, it is only a small one. I can cut it out for you".
Suddenly the consult room door has opened, I automatically stood up..., he smiled and invited me to the room. These five steps took forever to make. He looked me in the eyes on the door step and said: "Let's start from the end- You don't have cancer."
I have burst into tears, like I have never ever done before. He hugged me. Those who know me, know that I don't cry very easily.The next 10 minutes (out of 30 minutes consultation) I have spent emptying the surgeon's tissue box, strategically located near my seat.
After I could gather my thoughts together again, we had a really good discussion and came up with a plan. It includes some genetic investigations (one of the merits of being an Ashkenazi Jew, is being susceptible to numerous genetic disorders, including increased risk for different cancers), regular annual follow ups and so on.
All this drama happened over the past year with the culmination just one week before my yet another Birthday.
WELCOME 41!
I truly feel like I have been gifted a gift of life again. I am endlessly thankful for that. This experience allowed me to re-evaluate a lot of things and priorities in my life.
I feel 40+ and fabulous again. God bless the hair products and the beauty salons who are so essential and instrumental in covering up all the signs of the grey hair, black bags under the eyes from the sleepless nights and other wonders of stress.
The main reason that pushed me writing about my experience in such detail is to use this opportunity and this space to emphasize the importance of prevention and early detection of many different health conditions, including cancers. Sometimes, it is the difference between life and death, sometimes, it is a prevention of heavy disabilities or just a physical and mental burden.
Never ignore these"Birthday Cards"! They are meant to save your life. Be pro-active! Your health is in your hands!
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