"Almost 40" thoughts

I know I am not 40 years old yet. I have just now started "scratching" the number from the very bottom, but , I guess, it's a little bit like with weddings. When it starts happening all around you, it affects your thoughts as well. This is, definitely, this time in my life, when my dear life companion and many "significant others" are turning this corner in soon coming future.I still enjoy the privilege to observe them from "distance", how they go through that crisis of changing the index number and everything that is involved. I breath with relief, convincing myself, at times, that I still have plenty of time to go and do things differently when I "grow up".
Today I have woken up to the sunny/rainy morning of sobriety and determined to summarize what I have learnt about this life so far. I would love to give it a "selling" title of "15(...or any other number) things I have learnt or known", but the truth is that I have no idea how many things I will come up with. Let's see:

1. Age is just a number- on an emotional-mental level, I must agree with this statement. We should act as we feel and not according to what society expects from us at certain age. I have known a lot of wonderful people, who had done some unbelievable things in their advanced age, but I have also known people who were less fortunate. As a medical professional, I also know that our body is like a machine, the older it gets, the more maintenance it requires. We shouldn't ignore the inner "noises" that it makes. Prevention is the best way!
2. Having a baby at 40- Many of my older girl friends were trying to convince me throughout the years, that having the last child at around 40 years old, pumps in a lot of young energy, together with hormonal flow and is basically like the drug of youth. They claimed that I was still too young to understand and the day will come. Well....ain't gonna happen in my case!!!!! I will feel much younger and liberated when I am finally able to go on a multiple days track to Milford Sound (NZ South Island) together with my both kids, not worrying for their sleeping routines, nappy changes, breastfeeding, rather then being endlessly tired, caring for a baby. Circadian clock is a powerful thing!
3. Life is too short for drama- The move to NZ really gave me a whole new perspective on little and big things in life. The only BIG thing is the health of myself and my family and their well being. In other words, nothing else is worth wasting my neurons on, they are not regenerating!!! Just remembering the endless amount of the intrigues at work and the amount of stress that it had generated in my life...I could have saved myself from so many grey hairs that I now need to dye meticulously every two month, to look as if nothing touched my hair:-)
4. Toxic people in my life- Absolutely something to get rid of! The move to NZ, again, helped a lot with this. It just naturally occurred. I reckon, that as I approach 40, I am confident enough in who I am and I don't need any reassurances from anyone. Trying to make people to like me is not my thing anymore, they either like me for who I am or they do not. All others may just "un-follow" or be "un-followed".
5. It's OK not to fit in- This thought would be absolutely unacceptable for me just few years ago, in my 20's and early 30's. Today I know that it is way more important to live to my full potential and find a place where I would desire to fit in, rather then flexing myself into something that had come across first.
6. Resilience- Today I know that I am way stronger then I ever knew. Nothing is the "end of the world." I have been through enough hardships and stress, to know that there is life after it, as well. Life is stronger then anything! Time heals..., but also deepens the wounds sometimes...
7. It's an absolute waste of time comparing myself to others- I know it on a personal level and I know it on a professional level, as well. Just as much as there are no two people who experience the same disease in a similar way, because everybody's body and soul are unique and these experiences are incomparable. On that same note, my successes and my failures are just my own, unlike anybody else's. Things that will make me feel better, won't necessarily help my friend, or the other way around. I am special and unique!
8.  The realization that people who look over-confident and lead perfect lives on TV screens and magazines are just as f****ed up as everybody else, if not more...- Nope, they don't know more then me about anything. Their personalities on TV are just staged and "fotoshopped",even if they are not actors. Everyone is just a black box, full of their own sh*t, that I wouldn't want to mix with mine.
9. It's OK not to be a parent who "knows EVERYTHING", like my parents attempted to be- In a so rapidly ever-changing world, it's OK to search for answers together with your children, to teach them that "knowing" is not always the key, but " knowing to ask the right questions" is! Especially, in my reality , where every generation of my family was growing up and living in a different part of the world, in a different reality. I want to teach my children to see the human in me, the one with emotions and doubts, the one who is ever growing ,together with them and dynamic, rather then stiff and rigid.
10. Maintaining my own style- Ever since I gained consciousness regarding my looks, which was in early teenage hood, I was trying different styles, different looks, different images, until one day the style became my own. Until ORANGE  color became literally my trade mark and my nears and dears started saying that "Orange is way more then just a color for me". It's a powerful feeling, that regardless the seasonal fashion, I am identified by own style. I am my style! 
11. Knowing my goals in life- I finally know what I want. By saying this I mean that I know what I realistically want, not when I will "grow up", but now, in this real life. I also know what are my boundaries and rather then wasting time on fantasizing about becoming "rich and famous", I prefer to invest my energy in creating as much perfect "work-life" balance as possible. I am also quite good at it, I must say!!! 

We only live once! There are no general rehearsals! It all happens today!

P.S. Did you know that "Facebook" is the second most popular word that starts with "F"?

           The next most popular "F" word would be "Fabulous at almost Forty!:-)

Friday Drinks

Here comes this time of the week again, that is symbolic of the entire work culture and inter-personal relationships at work place, in this magic land of New Zealand. The magic starts spreading its spell since the early morning hours of Friday, when everyone comes to work, carrying small packs of yammi goodies. There is this glow in people’s eyes, even though tired by the end of the week. Nevertheless, expecting something extremely relaxing and positive to happen , to finish off the week on a positive note.

The clock is ticking…., end of the day is nearing….patients countdown begins…tick-tock, tick-tock…it’s almost six o’clock…wine glasses begin to magically appear on the table in the staff room…lemons sliced…bottles…all sorts of different bottles…goodies are making their magical way from paper packs to the plates on the table…almost no patients left in recovery…one last effort…tick-tock, tick-tock,

It’s Friday “Drinks o’clock”!
Friday, 6 o'clock at work

"Friday drinks" is perhaps the most important time of the week, socially speaking. This is exactly the time, when all the informal conversations are conducted between colleagues themselves and also between employees and their management. This is the best time to hear about future plans of the company, hear all the recent "gossip", which is so vital for better understanding of the dynamics in the company, that influence each and everyone involved, directly and indirectly. This is also an opportunity to address some of a more sensitive issues in a very relaxed atmosphere, over a glass of wine, when all the formal boundaries seemingly unfold, but yet are there in a very gentle, reassuring way. And last, but not the least, this is the time to laugh, to learn about each other's non professional sides, get involved socially, plan extra activities and just to be reminded that people who work with me side by side also have humane lives and interests. As the famous saying goes: "Alcohol is a social lubricant!" 
I, personally, find that this little tradition, called "Friday drinks" turns my colleagues into my second family, in the country where I don't have any (apart from my immediate one). Realization of that is very essential for my existence. Every Friday NZ becomes a little bit more of a home to me... 
What amazes me the most is that not in any negative way this Friday mingling affects our every day professional relationships, but only makes our mutual trust and reliability much stronger. And this is completely contrary to the main stream belief in my homeland of Israel, where alcohol is strictly out of boundaries in any work places or between work colleagues, especially, the big bosses. This is not to say that people are not socializing at out of work hours, but not as a recognized institutional tradition. 
I find that "Friday Drinks" is only one of many examples of a Kiwi "Happy", "Easy going" nature. One other such example would be multiple dress-up parties. No, Kiwis don't need any special festivals such as Purim, for putting up absolutely awesome dress-up parties for adults even more then for kids. It involves all levels of society, from simple workers to top management. Here again, "hiding" behind the costume, there are no more boundaries or hierarchical restrictions. By the way,the amount of effort and thought that is being put into finding or creating a perfect costume, is quite remarkable. As far as the parties go, one for all and all for one!

Gastroenterology conference final dinner, 2014

Favorite movie character Birthday party, 2014

 ...and one more

Where do I see myself in all this, you may wonder...? Well...what started as an anthropological observation for me, I have happily adopted into my new reality. I find myself pleasantly concerned about my next costume or type of drink that I would like to try ,or the next place I would like to explore in the City. I must admit that I like my new "problems" more then the old ones, at times. The possible reason for that might be lying in Einstein's relativity theory:-) I like my new "problems" so much, because my reference point and my previous experiences are so complex. Everything is relative in this life! 

50 Shades of Hypocricy

I will start with a confession and admit straight away that YES, I have read the whole 3 books of "Fifty Shades..." And as if it doesn't make me "immoral" enough, I have decided to watch the movie version of the book too. NO, I haven't pre-booked my tickets, months in advance and NO, I wasn't lining up in front of the cinema theater on premier day, which also happened to be Valentine's Day. I have, actually, celebrated the day of LOVE with my loved one only and not together with other hundreds of people( mostly women, I must say) who took cinema theaters by storm that day and many days after. I have patiently waited and ironically enough, my lucky day fell on 1st of April, which also happens to be "April Fools Day".This was, indeed, the night to remember: three "big" girls, three "big" glasses of wine and one "big" screen. We did what normally big girls with healthy sense of humor do. We were entertained!!!!!
Now this is exactly the time for my second and last confession for today. I haven't initially even intended to watch this movie, because, on my humble opinion, scenarios like this are better to be left to each and everyone's imagination. Nevertheless, all the obsession and multitude of "specialists" opinions and reviews, numerous parents and feminists letters provoked my curiosity and I have decided that I need to build my own opinion based on my own experience. After all, it must have been something unbelievably different and system shocking to make so many "important" people to react to it in their skilled and educated reviews.
Anyway, on the 1st of April, I wasn't fooled and bought three tickets to the movie with two of my "grown up", by age, girl friends. Let me start with stating the fact that the movie was age restricted to R18( due to explicit sexual contents) and the sales person had, indeed, asked for my ID, which by itself, I found as a compliment:-). Let me also add that at no point of my awareness had the author of  this trilogy or the movie producer claimed creating an educational ,in any way, piece of literature or cinematography. These two facts alone should be enough to dismiss all claims made by various people of the potential damage of this movie to our younger population and our children in the future. Honestly, I don't see any major difference between this movie and other sexually explicit movies such as "9,5 weeks", "Basic instinct"etc...or even more other violent movies that made it to the big screen with big success, not needing to withstand half of the criticism the movie in topic withstands. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to advocate for the kind of relationship that is portrayed in the movie, it is ,actually, not my "cup of tea" at all! All I am trying to say is that "50 shades..." only showcases a story, which is a fruit of  author's imagination, it is not a true story, E.L. James had never claimed to be a specialist on BDSM relationships. Thus, all claims that she is socially irresponsible are absurd in my view. Why would she be accused of something like that? Is she to "blame" for her book becoming all times bestseller?? Is she to "blame" Hollywood producers were sooo keen to make it a movie and stars such as Jennifer Aniston claimed to have been inspired by the books?
Why don't we also look at the "half full glass"?? Maybe then we can see that this movie, in fact, promotes safe sex, no matter how kinky the sex gets, or...the relationship. It shows very clearly the use of condom before every intercourse, which is, by the way, a major problem in real sexual experiences between the young people. Why can't we see that Anastacia is already 24 years old? Even though, still a virgin, by choice, we can't blindly and automatically compare her to young 16-20 years old girls. At the age of 24 she is adult enough to enter this relationship consensually, which is exactly what she has done. Yes, Christian may not be the partner ,a mother would wish for her daughter to have, but that doesn't automatically turn him into a rapist. He is also, definitely , not a role model for any young man , as to how behave and love.Should I remind us that there are numerous films nowadays, that are portraying wealthy men as egoistically, abusively dominating their sexual relationships, without even turning them into anything more then this? One such film, just from the top of my head is" Wall street Wolf".  But let us not forget, that the author never intended her heroes to be role models for young people of our society , or for any people at all.
OFF the record, I would like to add that the actor is not exactly my idea of a sex symbol, which film maker intended him to be. Ohh well...50 shades of tastes and sexual preferences...:-)

To the conclusion, let us not fool ourselves, April Fools Day is behind us! This whole buzz around the movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" is purely our obsession with sex and violence  that is speaking volumes and is let out of the closet. We all know that the "forbidden fruit is always the sweetest", so the more we obsess about the implications of this movie on our children, the more curious they will get about it.  As many psychologists stated in their reviews"Even if you don't see the film, it's toxic message is seeping into our culture." On my humble opinion, the process is absolutely opposite, we shape our entertainment according to our culture and never the other way around.
May I also state that it would have been better for all of us if we took this movie for what it is: An adult form of entertainment. Just another fictional story made into the movie, rather then any form of setting new cultural standards or norms, or any form of education!